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Monday, September 19, 2005

Song of the day:

I'm back in the saddle again
Out where a friend is a friend
Where the longhorn cattle feed
On the lowly gypsum weed
Back in the saddle again

Ridin' the range once more
Totin' my old .44
Where you sleep out every night
And the only law is right
Back in the saddle again

Whoopi-ky-aye-oh
Rockin' to and fro
Back in the saddle again
Whoopi-ky-aye-yay
I go my way
Back in the saddle again

-Gene Autry, "Back in the saddle again"

This day in history:

In 1793, President Washington laid the cornerstone of the U.S. Capitol. But before you judge, haven't we all been there at some point? You see a fine piece of granite,and the moon hits your eye just right, and it gleams in that special way...pity the poor masons who had to clean up afterwards, though. Nowadays, the cornerstone would write a tell-all book about something like that.

In 1810, Chile declared its independence from Spain.



See? There is a reason that this is important to you. More countries = more pretty women in beauty pagents! Hell, LET the south rise again. (Oops, my bad. Upon further inspection, it HAS. (In my pants.))

Wait, is that legal? Can he parenthasize something alredy paranthasized?

I can. You cannot. Because I have it on good authority I am just that damn good. Speaking of the South seceeding...

In 1850, Congress passed the Fugitive Slave Act, which allowed slaveowners to reclaim slaves who had escaped to other states. That before is what we call in the writing business a "segue". Pronounced "SEG-way".

So you're a slave. And you run away. And you runaway, adn just when you think you've ran far enough you're caught. If you thought life as a slave was bad before, it's about to get worse.

In 1851, the first edition of The New York Times was published. The crossword puzzle was still, like, bitchin' hard. "A five letter word for transition from one topic to another? Man...I wish there were some sort of multimedia falsely labelled column to guide me, providing humor, pathos, and opinion whenever the bastard writer sought fit to provide it. Instead, I'll have to go out and split wood for the winter."

In 1927, the Columbia Phonograph Broadcasting System (later CBS) made its debut with a basic network of 16 radio stations. Even then, only people older than 50 listened to it, tuning in for Matlock.

In 1947, the National Security Act, which unified the Army, Navy and newly formed Air Force into a National Military Establishment, went into effect.

In 1965, the situation comedies "I Dream of Jeannie" and "Get Smart" premiered on NBC. See? Something you have in common with your parents. NBC provided crappy shows back then, too.

In 1970, rock star Jimi Hendrix died in London at age 27.

In 1975, newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was captured by the FBI in San Francisco, 19 months after being kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army.


Today's birthdays:
In 1975, newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst was captured by the FBI in San Francisco, 19 months after being kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army. So at least that had a happy ending. (rolls eyes.)


Today's birthdays:
Actor Walter Koenig is 69.

She said she was clean, but I've got warts that say otherwise!

My apologies to Walter, for that.

Actor Sam Neill is 58.

He would have liked to have seen Montana. (See: Red October, The Hunt for. )


Actress Mary Crosby is 46.

Space Herpes. (See: Koenig, Walter)

If you haven't seen it, you shold, if only for the really stupid humor. Ifyou have seen it, you know what I am talking about. It has that one vaguely famous gay guy, and a bunch of guys who could ahve done more, but didn't...

Yeah, who was that gay guy you were talking about?

LIsten, I am trying to write here, and crank this out. i don't ahve alot of time to do this. I still have an NFL preview to do. Are you going to do this the entire time or what?

Well, yeah. It's my job. I'm the voice inside your head. And would it hurt you to clean a little in here? It's FILTHY!

I swear I'm gonna stabyou with a pair of scissors one of these days.

Singer Morten Harket (a-ha) is 46.

Oooh! I love their songs! Taaaaaake oooooon me! Take on me!
Taaaaaake meeeeee ooooon! Take on me!


Shut up.

Shut up. Shut UP! SHUT UP!
Besides, upon further insepction, these birthdays were for August 14. Idgit.

TODAYS REAL BIRTHDAYS:

Actor Robert Blake is 72.
Now rooming with Orenthal. As in Simpson.

No, not really. Yes. I just wasted your time with not only a robert Blake joke, but with an OJ Simpson joke. But I didn't involve Baretta, so you can show a little gratitude!

Singer Frankie Avalon is 65.
I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder...
why...
a wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-why...
she ran away...
and I wonder
where she will sta-ee-ay
my little runaway...
a run-run-run-runaway

Oh, wait. That was Del Shannon. Screw Frankie Avalon.

Actor James Gandolfini is 44.


Actress Jada Pinkett Smith is 34.



Actor James Marsden is 32.


An extra pic for those of you that like this kind of thing. Never say I don't do anything for you.




Actress Alison Lohman is 26.


Word of the Day:
circumlocution \sir-kuhm-loh-KYOO-shuhn\, noun:
The use of many words to express an idea that might be expressed by few; indirect or roundabout language

Random Picture of Roselyn Sanchez:


And here she is again!



Shakespeare Quote of the day:
"If I lose mine honour, I lose myself"
Antony & Cleopatra, Act III, Sc.4

NFL Week 2:

You know, I gotta get these out sooner. Like, on Fridays, or something. That way, those of you who only read this at work have a chance to catch my wisdom before, and not after the games. We'll try to work on that this week. Meanwhile, this past week, I went 8-8. Which means that I am as good at predicting football games as a quarter. We'll try to improve upon that this week, now that we have a better idea of what we're working with.

New England Patriots @ Carolina Panthers

The patriots proved taht even with all of the losses they had over the off-season, they are still the team to beat. They have managed to overcome the loss of both coordinators, and still come out with master gameplans that allow them to win. And givent hat they played 10 days ago, they have had extra time to scheme for Carolina. A Carolina team taht lost an important cog up front in Kris Jenkins at DT. The Carolina defense is fast and aggressive, so I might expect a few screens from the Patriots to counter-act that. I thnk Carolina is going to be better off using the speed they have at WR with Steve Smith and hitting the outsie part of the field, rather than trying to pound it up the middle. Maybe wear out some of those guys on defense.

I'm in a 'Risky Business' kind of mood today. "Sometimes you have to say "What the F***."

I have no real reason to pick Carolina to win over the Patriots, and end whatever sort of winning streak they are on. BUt I ahve a gut feeling that tells me to go with Carolina today. IF they fall to 0-2 in this division, it may be hard to dust themselves off.

Winner: Carolina Panthers

Detroit Lions @ Chicago Bears

Well well well....looks as though the Lions defense is starting to approach respectability. Or they were tearing open larger wounds on the already wounded animal of the Packers offense. Either way, andy time the Packers lose, I'll take it. IT was fun to see Favre so flummoxed. The offense for the Lions wasn't in sync, and I have to hope that continues this week. The Bears defense took a bend but don't break approach against the Redskins, giving up yards, but not points. They want to do better, and to do that, they'll need ot stop the run. I thnk they'll look to press the Lions WR's as well, to force tighter spaces for Harrington to throw to. He had the right idea last week; he moved to the TE plenty, and did well enough to at least win the game. Meanwhile, the Bears still have no offense at all. 41 rushing yards was the total last week. The Redskins shut down the run, and dared the BEars to pass. (Just like I said...because it was the obvious thing to do.) Well, the Bears couldn't pass. More of the smae this week.

Winner: Detroit Lions

Minnesota Vikings @ Cincinnatti Bengals

So just how bad is the Vikings offense? They are as bad as their offensive line is, pure and simple. IF they can be halfway decent, this team is playoff bound. HTey may not win the division, but they are headed for the playoffs. BUt if they are really as bad as they were last week, they very well could end up out of the playoffs, and if that happens, looking for a new coach. The defense looked to be better, but again, is hardly a finished product, and reminds noone of the Vikings defense of the late 80's and early 90's with Doleman, Millard, etc. I still don't trust the LB'ers to knwo what they are doing. But that's not the importnat matchup.

The important matchup is the Vikings defensive line against the Bengals offensive line. IF the Vikes can generate pressure on Palmer, the Vikings corners are good enough to take away Chad Johnson, forcing the Bengals to look elsewhere. And there just aren't alot of weapons in the Bengals arsenal.

Boy, i am going to regret this I think, but I am going to say the Vikings win this one, but it's gonna be sloppy.

Winner: Minnesota Vikings

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Houston Texans

The Houston Texans got beat by JP Losman. I am so very disapointed. No breakdown here.

Winner: Pittsburgh Steelers

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Indianapolis Colts

The Colts are on fire right now, and the defense is rounding into shape for them. NOt much to offer here for breakdown, either.

Winner: INdianapolis COlts

New York Giants vs. NEw Orleans Saints

This game has been bumped to Monday Night, but we'll cover it here, anyway. You'll notice that I didn't use the @ sign between the two teams. Well, it's i New York, though somehow it's a homegame for the Saints. I wonder if the Saints get the gate reciepts then?

It's also relief week for the NFL to contribute to the Hurricane Katrina recovery effort. THat's all well and good to have it in New York- people there actually have an income, much less a disposable one, rather than try to get money out of the folks in LA. But it lacks any emotion of feeling.

I am doing this on the wrong week for the Saints, I believe, but here we go again with the 'Risky Business" attitude.

Winner: New Orlenas Saints, who have a bit of a chip on their shoulder about the whole thing.

San Fransisco 49ers @ Philadelphia Eagles

What? No cracks in the McNabb-Owens relationship yet? It's like watching a Tommy Lee marriage; you'r just waiting for it to fall apart. Anyway,the 49ers are still bad, even if they beat up a sloppy Rams team last week.

Besides, there's this:


Winner: Philadelphia Eagles.

Buffalo Bills @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Is JP Losman still starting? OK then. Besides, after what we saw from Tampa Last week, no reason to go against them just yet.

Winner: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Baltimore Ravens @ Tennesee Titans

I think the bluster over the Ravens defense is starting to blow over. Particularly about Ray Lewis. He's great, but on the decline, methinks. Remeber when this wa a matchup that you savored? Lots of hard hitting,a nd bad feelings on both sides? Those were the days. BUt he Titans right now are not what they should be. McNair was on the verge of retiring in the off-season, so I think this season may just force him out. The Titans best chance is to ruin run run, but that is just what Baltimore plays best against.

Winner: Baltimore Ravens

St Louis Rams @ Arizona Cardinals

Ok Rams. You get one reprieve. If you suck again this week, we've gonna have to talk. THe Rams defense is noting special, and the strength of the Cardinals is in the offense. BUt he Cards offense striuggled last week, and the defense got overwhelmed by a Giants offense. The Rams have more talent on offense than that, so I FULLY EXPECT the Rams to win this game. I'm talking to you, Mike Martz. PLus, I still get a guilty pleasure outof seeing Denny Green lose games.

Winner: St Louis Rams.

Atlanta Falcons @ Seattle Seahawks

I'm so hard to please. well, no, not really. Actually, ...never mind.
What I mean to say is that I haven't seen enough from Vick yet to believe he's improved as a passer. I have no problem with him running around an making plays. I just want to see more accuracy and better decisions by him. But he doesn't look like he's goping to develop into a QB who is going to throw for 300+ yards every week.

Seattle? OH, man. they got QB problems of their own. At one time Hasselbeck was on the verge of becoming a top-flite QB. And I remember where it veered course on him. iT was that playoff game against the Packers, where he said that they were going to take the bal and score and win in overtime. And then he went out and threw a pick that got ran back for a TD, and that was the end of the game.

It's not entirely his fault though...it just one of those things. BUt it was a pivotal moment that brought him to this point where he is struggling. He's trying to do too much and in doing so, he does more harm than good.

Winner: Atlanta Falcons

San Diego Chargers @ Denver Broncos

Wow...Denver is really falling apart. So much so that I can't pick them today. Ladanian Tomlinsona nd Brees take it to a defense in disarray, and the Chargers defense focus on shutting down the run. Remember when PLuumer was talked about as the next great QB on the verge? Yeah, about that....uh....we take it back.

Winner: San Diego Chargers

Cleveland Browns @ Green Bay Packers

Since the Packers stunk it up lat week (and I loved every moment of it), you ahve to ask just how bad are they oging to be? Could this be a complete collapse and reversion to the pre-Brett days? PLease, please bring back Tony Mandrich! The loss of Javon Walker only makes it that much more possible, seeing as how they don't have the WR's they used to.

Well, this week will go a long ways towrds figuring that out. If they lose to the Browns...well, noone should really lose to the Browns,a s I see it. It's nothing against Cleveland...it's perfectly fine for them to have a team. BUt such ugly uniforms, and such an ugly name...I can't cheer for the Browns. Unless they're playing the Packers.

Winner: Green Bay Packers, but I don't mind being wrong

Miami Dolphins @ New York Jets

The Jets look to be in major troule, laying an egg against the Chiefs last week. The Dolphins defense isn't as aggressive as they one were, nor as much as the Chiefs are. BUt they are aggessive enough for a shaky QB. I am not jumping on the Saban bandwagon just yet...I don't think he's solved all of the Dolphins problems overnight, like the fellows at ESPN will have you believe. But they are good enough to win this week in New York.

Winner: Miami Dolphins

Kansas City Chiefs @ Oakland Raiders

I really hope Patrick Surtain can play tonight, because I'd like to see him line up against Moss, and see what he can do. It's going to be a game worthy of all the previous Chiefs-Raiders games, and I hope that the players feel the intensity. I don't thimk the Raiders are going to be able to stop the Chiefs run game, adn that will be major, since the Chiefs will use that to keep the ball out of the Raiders hands on offense.

Winner: Kansas City Chiefs

Monday night review to come later.

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