The Daily Update

A few weeks ago, I tried to put together the "Happy Holidays" letter to be sent out to family and friends, and typically those letters comprise what has happened over the past year.

I don't know if it was just my usual feeling of procrastination, or the sheer weight of the task ahead, but it just never came to fruition. There was simply too much that had happened over the past year to try to fit into a 2 page letter, and such a roller coaster of happy and sad events to share in what is typically supposed to be a letter of joy and good cheer during the holidays.

Admittedly, another part of me rejected doing it, because I didn't want to re-live the year through those memories. I was afraid that the grief and sadness would overwhelm the good that HAS happened. And to be honest, I am not entirely sure how to view this year myself.

I CAN say that I am more than relived to see it coming to a close. Good or bad, there has been a lot of upheaval over the year, and it is so much better to see in the rear view mirror instead of in the windshield.

So what HAS happened? 2005 for me will always be remembered as the year I lost my wife and best friend, Lydia. I suppose that isn't the best way to put it though. She didn't die, and she wasn't misplaced. We just couldn't find a way to make our marriage work after so many years and so many other trials. With due respect to all concerned, it was the greatest loss I have ever suffered, which is enough right there for me to pitch the year into a wastebasket and be done with it.

But that would purge so much more that has happened this year. So much more that I wouldn't want to part with.

Through work, I met one of those few people that understand you from the start and don't visablly roll their eyes in disgust. We became fast friends, and helped me come to the realization that life wasn't just the crappy things that happen to you. It's the good things that come about as well. (Have I written this before? I think I have.) The only flaw was that he was a guy. Beyond that, I can't think of a bad thing to say about my friend Joel.

In March, my sister-in-law Rachel reached out and provided me with more than just an extra hand around the house, or a soundboard to bounce my frustrations on. She gave me a reminder that I was family, and it wasn't about to change. She provided me a little bit of hope that things would in time be better, if I was willing to put the work into it.

In June or July, I forget when, there came word that they were shutting down our office in MN. Those who wanted to stay with (said company removed) would go to MI. those who didn't... could go on their merry way, either now or later. Soon I would be oput of a job, along with so many of my friends that had become a surrogate family. Poor Joel had come to MN because of (said company removed). With the loss of the office, he was back out looking for work.

And then my uncle Stan died. My father-in-law and good friend Kurt lost his mother.
And that was only the beginning of Kurt's loss. Only recently, he lost his sister.
I wish I could lobby to God upon his behalf and explain that at least for Kurt, there should be some balance. "You have the taken away part down pat, Lord Almighty, but what about the giveth part?" And God, being the being that he is, would either chastize me for critiquing his grand design, or he would explain to me that he gave them both for Kurt to enjoy as long as he could. And while that might all be true, I would say humbly, it wouldn't prevent me for lobbying anyway. And God being a God, he would have the perfect response to dis-assemble (DIS-ASSEBLE?! NOOOO DIS-ASSEMBLE!) my arguement, but instead he'd just say "touche'", because he's cool like that. And why is he cool like that? Because I made him in my own image. (I might have that backwards. )

2005 marked the great move from Minnesota to Vancouver WA. It marked saying farewell to so many great friends in Minneapolis, and moving further away from friends in Michigan. And while it hurt to leave them behind, it was balanced with the generosity and loving spirit of my sister Ginger. Time and again, if it wasnt for her, I wouldn't have made it as far as I have. She and I have grown so much closer because of these months together, and not in an Arkansas way like you might think. Having the chance to live together and hang out together, I can't imagine what it would mean to live a life without her around, and it makes me grieve for Kurt's loss all the more.

The last few months have been the brightest though. I have found a new sort of happiness with a new woman. Our time is limited when we are able to spend time together, but the time that we have is always special. She has an insight and a keen sense of humor that fills our time with giggles and merriment. That's right, merriment. It's like peppermint, but it's not in cane form.

This new year ahead of us has it's own set of challenges. The lease my sister and I share is up in the summer. When it is, she will return to Seattle. I am exploring options to pursue a career in writing, and hope that 2006 becomes a launching point for me. There's plenty of things to do in 2006. But given what we have been through in '05, we'll find our way.

Hey, look at that. I just wrote my Christmas Letter.

Happy Holidays, everyone.

P.S. I'm working on a post that I am going to get up on Christmas Day. Stop back and take a look, if you can.