Monday, February 09, 2004
My wife was upset with me the other day, as she struggled to deal with the kids at a local mall. Seems as though Anna had a need to use the restroom, but refused to do so. This issue came up again last night, when we went out to eat.
"Mommy, let's go home so I can poop."
Yup. She has adopted her father's "Friendly Bathroom" policy. She refuses to use a public bathroom if she can at all avoid it, making potty-training quite problematic. And yet, you cannot force a child to poop when or where they do not want to. That would more than likely be detrimental to the goal itself.
Ah, but what is the "Friendly Bathroom Policy"?
It is as such:
A "Friendly Bathroom" is one that provides a calming and comfortable atmosphere in which to defacate with confidence! More often than not, you are most comfortable with your bathroom at home, where the surroundings are familiar and decorated to your own tastes, and essential tools for the process are easily found. Additionally, you most likely know who else has used the bathroom in a recent amount of time. This assures that you know how likely it is that you'll contract something horrible for simply wishing to make a deposit. Another important feature is comfort. A seat must contour nicely to your back end, and not cause any discomfort or decrease blood circulation. A "Friendly Bathroom" also must provide a certain garauntee of privacy. Reading material, particularly periodicals that have interest to you provide a certain additional benefit, but are not necessary. In fact, in a public bathroom, since you have no idea of their source, it's actually a detriment.
(Side note: does anyone else think it would be funny to go into the main offices of PETA, use their restroom,and leave behind a copy of Field and Streaam or The In-Fisherman as "reading material"? I suppose it would work to leave them in the waiting room, but that's not the point. )
Public bathrooms by their nature, complicate things quite a bit for those of us who are "Friendly Bathroom" advocates.
By in large, most public batherooms are actually USED by the public, and thus you do not know who might have used it before you. Using a seat that may have just been used by some unclean lothario who is getting over a bad time with Seafood Samantha (known for her crabs) is enough to drive most "Friendly Bathroom" disciples running (whilst holding their cheeks shut) in fear.
Worse, not everyone is known to clean up after themselves, to say nothing of flushing. Sure...that MIGHT be water on the seat. But you're not gonna take the chance. And nore are YOU going to be the one to clean it up. Move on to the next stall. Unless there is a stall even further away. the more distance you can put between you and the soiled seat, the better. And if the previous user neglected to return the contents of the bowl to the local Water Treatment Plant, well, we'll just try to think of something other than the prodding pressure on our back gasket for the 20 minute ride home.
Sometimes, even if the seat and bowl are otherwise befreft of soil, a bowl that has not been cleaned and does not sparkle like new porcelian will force a Friendly Bathroom follower to "gamble". A bowl that shows water stains, or build up of any form is disconcerting.
Moving beyond the seat itself, is the surrounding area free of any trash? Is the immediate environment clean, or are there paper (toilet/news, etc) strewn about the seat? Is the floor itself dry, or is there a lakebed of waste products between you and your drop-off point? Is the stall open, allowing for ease of movement, or is it restrictive and confining; clautrophobic-like?Is it well stocked with cotton tissue, or are you left to peel the paint off of the stall walls for cleaning purposes? Is the cotton tissue of acceptable softness, or are you better of with anelectric sander, or the ark of an oak tree? Is the area well lit? TOO well lit, making you feel self-concious of your evil dirty deed? Or is the light subtle, allowing you to focus inwards on the task at, uh....., well not necessarilly at hand, but....
Bathrooms that are at your place of business CAN BE "Friendly Bathrooms" however. A certain level of comfort and trust has to build up between you and the stall, and over time it proves it's merit for the job required. However, never believe that it can maintain that level of excellence. At best, the highest it may be awarded is one of a temporary designation, a foreign-born national carrying a green card, if you will. If it were to not meet the standards set forth for a "Friendly Bathroom", it would have to start abck at the beginning, and prove itself all over again. Woe to the toilet that makes you suffer the ultimate huimilation....the Clog-And-Overflow. It should never be trusted to handle your stink-free feces again! (The toilet, not the foreign-born visitor.)
Another sort of bathroo is the "friend's bathroom". While it carries many traits of a "friendly bathroom", it belongs to someone else. The surroundings are not quite as familiar, and you are unable to relax as you would in your own Friendly Bathroom. You cannot simply let go with no regard for those on the other side of the door, as you normally might. You have to take care not to leave any "incriminating marks" on the scene, and you assuredly cannot choke it shut with your offering.
You also may not have built up a rapport that is so often needed with such a fixture.
Do not believe however, that your own home collection site is immune from having it's status stripped. A temporary removal of that title is sometimes required when it suffers it's own malfunction, or fails to live up to the standards afore mentioned. While not treated as severly as the public-class toilets, it is most definately a dishonor, and a harsh reminder that such a designation is earned; not given.
For some, the act of voiding is simply plopping down and plopping. For us, it's a way of life. It's not an easy life. It is one that demands sacrifice, will power, and adherence to aggressive standards set forth from previous disappointments in purging sessions. It also requires an extreme amount of clenching. The next time you see someone in a restroom, and they seem lost as to what to do or where to go....you will know they are a"Friendly Bathroom" believer.
They don't want your pity. They just want to crap without having to deal with alot of crap.
See you all tomorrow.
"Mommy, let's go home so I can poop."
Yup. She has adopted her father's "Friendly Bathroom" policy. She refuses to use a public bathroom if she can at all avoid it, making potty-training quite problematic. And yet, you cannot force a child to poop when or where they do not want to. That would more than likely be detrimental to the goal itself.
Ah, but what is the "Friendly Bathroom Policy"?
It is as such:
A "Friendly Bathroom" is one that provides a calming and comfortable atmosphere in which to defacate with confidence! More often than not, you are most comfortable with your bathroom at home, where the surroundings are familiar and decorated to your own tastes, and essential tools for the process are easily found. Additionally, you most likely know who else has used the bathroom in a recent amount of time. This assures that you know how likely it is that you'll contract something horrible for simply wishing to make a deposit. Another important feature is comfort. A seat must contour nicely to your back end, and not cause any discomfort or decrease blood circulation. A "Friendly Bathroom" also must provide a certain garauntee of privacy. Reading material, particularly periodicals that have interest to you provide a certain additional benefit, but are not necessary. In fact, in a public bathroom, since you have no idea of their source, it's actually a detriment.
(Side note: does anyone else think it would be funny to go into the main offices of PETA, use their restroom,and leave behind a copy of Field and Streaam or The In-Fisherman as "reading material"? I suppose it would work to leave them in the waiting room, but that's not the point. )
Public bathrooms by their nature, complicate things quite a bit for those of us who are "Friendly Bathroom" advocates.
By in large, most public batherooms are actually USED by the public, and thus you do not know who might have used it before you. Using a seat that may have just been used by some unclean lothario who is getting over a bad time with Seafood Samantha (known for her crabs) is enough to drive most "Friendly Bathroom" disciples running (whilst holding their cheeks shut) in fear.
Worse, not everyone is known to clean up after themselves, to say nothing of flushing. Sure...that MIGHT be water on the seat. But you're not gonna take the chance. And nore are YOU going to be the one to clean it up. Move on to the next stall. Unless there is a stall even further away. the more distance you can put between you and the soiled seat, the better. And if the previous user neglected to return the contents of the bowl to the local Water Treatment Plant, well, we'll just try to think of something other than the prodding pressure on our back gasket for the 20 minute ride home.
Sometimes, even if the seat and bowl are otherwise befreft of soil, a bowl that has not been cleaned and does not sparkle like new porcelian will force a Friendly Bathroom follower to "gamble". A bowl that shows water stains, or build up of any form is disconcerting.
Moving beyond the seat itself, is the surrounding area free of any trash? Is the immediate environment clean, or are there paper (toilet/news, etc) strewn about the seat? Is the floor itself dry, or is there a lakebed of waste products between you and your drop-off point? Is the stall open, allowing for ease of movement, or is it restrictive and confining; clautrophobic-like?Is it well stocked with cotton tissue, or are you left to peel the paint off of the stall walls for cleaning purposes? Is the cotton tissue of acceptable softness, or are you better of with anelectric sander, or the ark of an oak tree? Is the area well lit? TOO well lit, making you feel self-concious of your evil dirty deed? Or is the light subtle, allowing you to focus inwards on the task at, uh....., well not necessarilly at hand, but....
Bathrooms that are at your place of business CAN BE "Friendly Bathrooms" however. A certain level of comfort and trust has to build up between you and the stall, and over time it proves it's merit for the job required. However, never believe that it can maintain that level of excellence. At best, the highest it may be awarded is one of a temporary designation, a foreign-born national carrying a green card, if you will. If it were to not meet the standards set forth for a "Friendly Bathroom", it would have to start abck at the beginning, and prove itself all over again. Woe to the toilet that makes you suffer the ultimate huimilation....the Clog-And-Overflow. It should never be trusted to handle your stink-free feces again! (The toilet, not the foreign-born visitor.)
Another sort of bathroo is the "friend's bathroom". While it carries many traits of a "friendly bathroom", it belongs to someone else. The surroundings are not quite as familiar, and you are unable to relax as you would in your own Friendly Bathroom. You cannot simply let go with no regard for those on the other side of the door, as you normally might. You have to take care not to leave any "incriminating marks" on the scene, and you assuredly cannot choke it shut with your offering.
You also may not have built up a rapport that is so often needed with such a fixture.
Do not believe however, that your own home collection site is immune from having it's status stripped. A temporary removal of that title is sometimes required when it suffers it's own malfunction, or fails to live up to the standards afore mentioned. While not treated as severly as the public-class toilets, it is most definately a dishonor, and a harsh reminder that such a designation is earned; not given.
For some, the act of voiding is simply plopping down and plopping. For us, it's a way of life. It's not an easy life. It is one that demands sacrifice, will power, and adherence to aggressive standards set forth from previous disappointments in purging sessions. It also requires an extreme amount of clenching. The next time you see someone in a restroom, and they seem lost as to what to do or where to go....you will know they are a"Friendly Bathroom" believer.
They don't want your pity. They just want to crap without having to deal with alot of crap.
See you all tomorrow.
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