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Saturday, March 27, 2004

Song Quote of the week:

A hundred days had made me older since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lights had made me colder and I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight it’s only you and me


THIS DAY IN HISTORY:

In 1512, Florida is found by Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon. (No relation to Ponch from "CHiPS", though. ) Mostly known for his quest of the mythical Fountain of Youth, Juan "PDL", (or "Leon", as his friends called him) never found it, but did meet his maker in 1521 thanks to an Indian attack. Magic Waters to restore your youth ain't going to help a hatchet in the back. (I don't really know how he died. Just speculating here. )

In 1794, President George Washington and Congress gave the thumbs-up on creating the United States Navy. Up to that point, they had been reliant upon France to provide them naval security from the Brits and the pirates of the day. Maybe even the Spaniards, for that matter. No sign of Juan PDL, though. Remember, he was killed. I'm sure the approval had been motivated by the fact that the French King had recently met the guillotine, and really wasn't in a position to provide the Naval support that they gave at one time. I'm not saying iot was the sole reason...it just provided an extra kick in the pants to get the Navy started. And now? If France has a Navy, I'm not aware of it. And I'm fairly sure there isn't a beter Navy in the world than our own. The Brits might give us a little bit of a run for the money, but I think we'd outnumber them pretty steadily. The Russians used to have quite a bit of pride in theirs, but after the Kursk incedent and hte collapse, it's taken quite a toll on the perception of that fleet.

In 1968, Soviet (Why isn't there an L in that word? When you say it, the tongue desperately wants to put an L in there. ) cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin died in a plane crash. Yuri was the first man to orbit the earth. Apparently, he had no control over the craft once he reached space, though there was an over-ride option if need be. After watching the film "K-19: The Widowmaker" last night, Yuri should have been mighty glad it worked at all.

In 1998, Pfizer came out with the miracle drug, Viagra. Currently, it faces STIFF competition from Cialis and Levitra, other anti-impotence drugs. Late night TV show host monologues haven't been the same since.


Shakespeare Quote of the Day/Week:

"Safe may'st thou wander, safe return again !"
Cymbeline, Act iii, Sc.5




As Buggs Bunny once said:

"Ah, me public!"


Did you miss me? I missed you as well. It has been a week full of things to write about, and to be honest, I am concerned that I won't be able to get to them all. However, after a week of nothing, my readers deserve the very most I CAN provide, which of course, I shall. Why the stalling? I dunno.

As I write this, and as some of you may be reading this, my gang of girls is driving towards Arizona. My own wife and 3 girls,and the neighbor and her youngest daughter. All totalled it brings us to 6 women in one van. Chevrolet has their Astro Van, and our Chrysler Town and COuntry just got turned into a Chrysler Estro-Van. I anticipated that I would be sorry to see them go, and then fall into bachelorhood routine after a few hours, eating pizza (my dinner alst night? 1/2 ofa Stawberry-rhubarb pie from Bakers Square, complete with Cool-Whip topping), playing video games and watching late night cable TV, not allowing the utter alone-ness and silence of the house get to me until maybe 2-3 days later.

It took all of 15 minutes.

I've found that I'll leave the TV's on in the various rooms just to simulate the regular noise that takes place in our home, just so that it seems a little more normal. Maybe I'll even leave the peanut butter and jelly out on the counter just to simulate their presence a little more. (Note: When you go so far as to rip apart a mattress in order to use the materials to construct life sized stuffed dolls to resemble your family, you've gone too far. )

Still, it was nice to play video games without being interupted. My sister picked up MLB 2005 from the makers at 989 Sports, which is a fantastic game, I must say. It has it's own franchise mode,and I've taken to it already, running my Franchise aground countless times. This will consume much of the time I had set aside in the noble aspiration of really CLEANING the house.

Which is not to say that we don't clean. We do, and often. But I'm talking about dusting the insides of the silverware drawers kind of cleaning. It won't happen. But when the wife gets back and finds that nothing has been done, I can point to this web site and show her that I had the very best of intentions of cleaning while she was gone.

Oh my! Look! A pretty sparkly road, leading into a dark tunnel! And look again! It's made out of a bunch of good intentions! Well, I simply must see where this leads!



Anyway, their leaving inspired the Song of the Day and the Shakespeare Quote of the day. the Song is one from 3 Doors Down, off of the Away From The Sun album. It's also their most recent hit. "Here Without You".

Man, it's going to be a LOOOOOOONG 7 days.

Word of the Day:

Debauchery -N. Extreme indulgence in sensual pleasures; dissipation.

As some of you might remember, I last left you with the news that Iw as going to be able to attend a friends Birthday party, complete with "dancers". I am happy to report that I was in attendance for said party, and a good time was had by all. The fine folks at AAA-Classic Dancers, Inc. (they have a website, but it's under contruction. So no use sending you there, unless you are going through the archives,a nd tehy get it up in between then and now, in which case it's www.aaa-clasicdancers.com) were kind enough to send along 3 nicely shaped women for our viewing pleasure.

The party started off with the strategic placement of $5 bills (because $1 bills are an insult, you know) randomly upon the Guest of Honor. Whilst they performed a striptease, they removed the $5 bills, and then asked us to do it yet again. So we place more Dead Presidents on the Birthday boy, and they proceeded to do the bump and grind lapdance for a while, as we looked on.

At one point, the were grinding away at his lap, and a thought crossed my mind that I dare not put voice to, but could not help but smile to myself. It reminded me somewhat of a dog with an itch, profoundly happy that it found a brown shag carpet with which to satisfy it's posterior annoyance. Something told me that offering a tube of Preperation H would not have endeared me to our dancers however, so I kept my observations to myself.

Once complete, we then moved onto a competition! Specifically, who could remove the panties of the dancers fastest, using only their teeth. The contestants were chosen by Birthday Boy, and yours truly was one of the lucky chosen. Seeing as how the bikini bottoms were rather snug fitting, however,a nd not wanting to leave any bite marks so early in the vening, I finished 2nd to Birthday Boy's wife.

The next competition involved a race of sorts. Small dollups of Reddi-Whip were placed along each leg, 2 on the belly, and one on each nipple, presumably for temporary modesty. It was then up to the 3 contestants to clean off the whipped topping as quickly and cleanly as posible, with the winner getting $20 of valuable services later on, essentially earning back the entry fee for the Race Around the Whipped Track.

"Entry fee". Ha ha.

Ok, Never mind.

(Sidebar: Does Reddi-Whip have any idea how much they contribute to the sexual lives of American society, or the society of their market? Something tells me they do, though I don't think they readily acknowledge it. Cool Whip is probably viewed as a higher quality product for whipped topping, but it is much less accurate, and much more awkward than the Reddi-Whip cans. At least, based off of my observations, mind you. Another funny note: the Reddi-Whip site asks you to provide your OWN Reddi Whip Real Moment. Something tells me you won't see some of the more provocotive stories listed. Secretly though, they'll be more than happy to collect the profits thanks to the Whipped creme bikini scene in both Varsity Blues and Not Another Teen Movie.)

I am happy to report, that your intrepid reporter finished first (shutup! Just SHUT UP!) with gusto, nearly "lapping" the competition, not to mention my team-mate, so to speak.

For my "winnings" I was given 2 free body shots, which was shown as a tutorial for the others as to how we were to perform the body shots. Apple Pucker, or any other liquor handy, would be poured into the navels of the woman of your choice. Whipped cream would form a ring around the belly button, which you were encouraged to clean off after sucking said liquor out.

Mmmmm....nummy.

Heady with giddyness (or giddy with headyness), I demonstrated to the best of my ability and then awaited the next item on the schedule.

The last piece on the menu was the Grand Finale Lesbian Show! Well, huzzah! this was what I had been awaiting! this would top off the night just fine, thankyouverymuch. Now, knowing my audience as I do, this might be something that you yourselves get to see on a more regular basis than I. But since it isn't part of my regular routine, it still holds a certain air of mystery and intruige for me to see 2 (or more) women engaged in acts of (insert description here).

Small catch. Well, make that large catch. It cost $100 per girl for the show. There were 3 girls. And we had a collective amount of $85.

The floor show was not to be. instead, we were treated to dances of the lap until all of the money (YES JUST THE MONEY) was spent.

Hometown Hotties, Week 3:

Since we're on the topic of beautiful women, and since I am running out of time to post, let's make sure that we get this out of the way quickly. My lack of access to the internet has not been corrected as of yet, allowing me only a curosry glance at this weeks competitors.

We'll check on last weeks winners later this week, and provide feedback there. We're more interested in getting the final 10 nailed down for this week.


I was able to narrow down my own list to a finals list of 19. Brandi of TX, Nalinee of NY, Marsha of CA, Logan of ME, Twyla of CO, Phelony of CA (I'm sure she's heard them all, especially at the age of 17 or so), Kimberly of DE, Lidia of TX, Michelle of FL, Kori of OR, Holly of NV, Aubre of MD, Jolene of NE, Angela of NC, celeste of WA< Heather of OH, Gina of CA, and Ella of MT.

Whew.

Now, time to cut a few. Melissa is very pretty, but I like not her belly button tattoo. Gone, she is. Brandi? We'll come back to her.

Nalinee is just making the cut. she just is. Very pretty, and has a pretty smile, and...the only fault I can find with her is that compared to the other girls, she isn't as chesty. And that isn't any reason to kick her out, since the others have much worse transgressions. Marsha of CA is in, though the makeup looks to be a bit overdone. Whatever. SHe's hot. SHe's on the list as well.

Logan is hot. Or she wouldn't have been amongst the original 19. But it seems as though there is something a bit plain about her, as though the photo is hot, more than it is her that is. But there is a fantastic chance I am way off base on that one. Either way, she is cut. That has more to do with being able to make a cut even thoughit's hard to do.

Twyla? Can't make up my mind. Let's see how she stacks up against some of the others.

Oh, Phelony is next. No puns here about it would be a her if she wan't in the final 10. She is, and we'll leave it at that 3 spots spoken for, with 7 left.

Kimberly in DE is quite a bit different than what we've chosen in the past, and maybe it's that exotic flair in her that speaks to me, but she makes it 6 spots, since she's taking one for her own.

Lidia is up next. She spells her name incorrectly, but she is EXTREMELY hot, much like my own Lydia. 5 spots, and the competition is fierce.

Ooof. Michelle of Fl takes YET ANOTHER spot and we only have 4 spots left. However, Neither Kori of OR or Holly of NV are able to kep up the momentum, withHolly eing cut altogeather. Kori of OR is still in the mix, but Holly of NV while hot....just doesn't measure up.

Aubre of MD looks fantastic, and has some amazing eyes. However, when I look at her, I think of Arnold of Jason Patcik from the Terminator movies. Cold. Fierce. Angry. Determined. Admitting that I am wrong when I say this becaue I don't know her at all, I look at her and think to myself "She's got the make-up to be a bitch." And we're not talking foundation and eye-liner, folks.

Jolene on the other hand, has a genunine smile throughout all of her pictures, and gets spot # 7.THAT is what showing a softer side will get you. Angela of NC gets spot #8 not for her soft sides, or curves for that matter...wait, what am I saying. THat's exactly why. Very appealing. She can sit on top of my ice cream any day.

Celeste of WA is eye-popping amazing,a nd while it looks a little too commercial, she gets spot # 9. It would be better if her natural beauty was able to shine through, rather than the manufactured look provided, but I'm not complaining either way.

Heather of OH is a really really tough cut, but she doesn't have the classic beauty that you might expect. She's a little funny faced, though not necessarily in a bad way. SHe smiles and looks great, but I can't bring myself to select her.

Ella of Mt competes with Gina of CA, and while Ella is fantastic, she's a little thin here and there. Normally, she'd be in the Top 10 without nay problems at this stage, but Gina of CA just blows her away with a gorgeous smile in all of her pictures, to go with a smoldering presence in front of the camera.

We'll see how many of them end up in the MAXIM winners for the week. For instance, I don't know if I like Jolene of NE's chances of making the final 10, since she didn't show as much skin as some others, nor does Twyla necessarily appeal to the masses as she might with me. What I am trying to say is that I problably didn't do well with the results MAXIM will have, but I feel good about my choices.

We'll talk more on tuesday hopefully, where I'll let you know how I'm dealing with my lonliness, and a review of The Passion of the Christ, which I saw last week. And if you're interested, I'll let you know how my visit with my sister went.

Talk to you then.



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