Friday, May 07, 2004
Song of the Day:
Oh well I'm the type of guy who will never settle down
Where pretty girls are well, you know that I'm around
I kiss 'em and I love'em 'cause to me they're all the same
I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em they don't even know my name
They call me the wanderer yeah the wanderer
I roam around around around...
Oh well there's Flo on my left and there's Mary on my right
And Janie is the girl with that I'll be with tonight
And when she asks me which one I love the best
I tear open my shirt I got Rosie on my chest
'Cause I'm the wanderer yeah the wanderer
I roam around around around...
Oh well I roam from town to town
I go through life without a care
'Til I'm as happy as a clown
With my two fists of iron and I'm going nowhere
This Day in History:
IN 1915, German U-boats sunk the english ship Lusitania, killing 1201passengers, and leaving 764 people as survivors.
In 1994, "The Scream" by Edvard Munch was recoverd, after having been stolen from an Oslo, Norway museum. It makes you so mad you could just.....
Ok, enough fun.
Actually, no, it's not, since this is all supposed to be fun!!
Birthday's today include Traci Lords...funny enough. We mention her the other day, and all of a sudden it's her birthday. Post a picture? Well, if I thought I could find one that wasn't complete nudity, no problem. We'll leave teh picture of her out fo now, but we WILL take a poll.(Shut up.)
Traci Lords as a blonde or brunette?
Word of the Day:
gambol , intransitive verb:
To dance and skip about in play; to frolic.
Potty Training
The youngest of my 3 daughters has begun potty training, which is KIND OF a good thing. She's also the earliest of any of them to go through it, since the others took their time about it. And before any of you get the wrong idea, it's not US pushing her....she WANTS to do this.
It's amazing how much the presence of siblings encourages the younger ones to grow up. My guess is that Bailey is doing it because her 2 older sisters are doing it. Because of the example that they set, she follows suit. So now she comes to us with worried eyes, firmly declaring "Daddy, poohp!" So you drop whatever you're doing to prop her onto the toilet, sit and read books for 15 minutes while you wait for the moment (amongst other things) to pass. Boring work, but it allows for some time to re-enforce our family hatred of the Green Bay Packers, so all is not lost.
As a dad, it's an undescribable feeling to see how Bailey reveres her older sisters, particularly Anna. Anna is closer in age, so they have a little more in common. Anna, meanwhile, looks up to Restory, even though she intentionally picks fights with her from time to time. I'm afraid of them growing apart when they get older, and I'm no longer around. But some things you have to have faith about.
Anyway, Bailey has a well-documented allergy to dairy products. But as she has grown, it isn't anywhere near severe as it was before. This is dangerous territory, because her initial reaction to all things dairy was for her lips to blow up like some desperate Hollywood star looking for a collagen treatment. There was real concern that it was life-threatening. So she's done without milk and cheese and ice cream,and all of that for most of her life. And milk and dairy is a fantastic source of fat for kids to help them put on the weight they need, not to mention calcium for bone structure and so forth.
But if she IS starting to balance out a bit to where she can have some dairy... that could open up a new world for her. The only problem is that her reactions ahve changed to dairy. She doesn't break out as much as she used to. INstead, she gets some really tough constipation, which is pretty danged rough on an 18 month old kid just being introduced to the potty. Listening to your child whine and cry over the pain, shouting "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" over and over again becomes really unsettling. But it's not like clearing a clog in the garbage disposal, where you can just hit a switch, a nd everything is better again. Nor can you reach in and pull out the offending material. You have to trust that nature and gravity will work for them as it does for you.
And for all of you who DON'T have kids....the above is reason # 3,486 that you don't want to.
Spiderman on the basepaths
Since baseball has killed their plans on using 1st, 2nd, and 3rd as advertising space for Spiderman 2...there doesn't need to be anything said on this subject. But I'm going to anyway.
Yes, baseball has sold it's soul. THat was readily apparent years and years ago, however, so it's no big surprise. Asinine, but not surprising. There isn't a commisioner of baseball who is above the owners protecting the game from themselves, so it quite literally is the inmates running the asylum. (Mmmm, Juicyfruit.
)
The marketing idea was idiotic on a grand porportion, and it wasn' until after they told the public they realized how stupid it was.
Well, I take that back. George Steinbrenner told them that he wasn't doing it for actual games at Yankee Stadium. Maybe for batting practice, but that was it.
-----SIDEBAR: Who the hell cares about the bases during batting practice?! Which is probably why George said waht he said, but still. Ok. Back to our show.
Now, there have been some people who are applauding George for having the moral conviction from allowing this to happen, as though he were the lone voice of reason amongst the owners; quite an alarming role reversal from the norm. But before you go patting Steinbrenner on the back too much, let's make one thing clear: George wasn't doing it for the greater good fo baseball, he was doing it for the greater good of the Yankees, and ultimately George Steinbrenner. It just so happened that the best thing for the Yankees also happened to be the best thing for the rest of baseball. That particular synergy rarely happens.
See, George knows that a major part of the Yankees success -whether it be on the field or financially-- has to do with their tradition, and mystique and aura. They play in "THe House that Ruth Built", for cripes sake. There's Monument Hill out there in the outfield. Even George can see that all of that would be tarnished by slapping a sticker on the bases in order to promote a summer flick that may or may not suck.
The Colorado Rockies and other teams don't have that sort of image to tarnish, so it makes no difference to them. For them or the Marlins or Angels, it's just un-used space that may as well get used for SOMETHING, so why not make a buck or two while they are at it.
But for the Yankees, it'd be like building a 7-11 on an Indian Burial Ground, or pee-ing on the Alamo. Some things JUST AREN'T DONE.
SO go ahead and give Steinbrenner credit for doing the right thing, but don't think that it's for any sort of altruistic traditionalist baseball patriotism. It's just his constant love for the money.
Hometown Hotties Week 9:
Have we got your attention? this is where I pay you back for reading through poop stories.
There's only one week left after this week, and more than likely we've already seen the winner, just based on odds. Then again, Maxim might be holding back for a huge splurge for week 10. Which just goes to show that I know nothing what I am talking about, and I'm too tired to write a decent intro to this piece.
Showing my amazing resolve, I was able to keep my original pare-down list to 24 girls out of the original 25. Not bad. As always, there were girls that had made the list without a doubt (Brittany of GA), girls who made the list but I knew I was going to end up cutting at some point (Colleen of NV), girls who just barely missed the cut (Kathleen of CA), girls that never stood a chance(Michelle of NY ), and women who just don't get it (Juliet of TX). IN fact, Juliet is example #1 of a tattoo that's too much. A little dolphin, or a turtle holding onto a diver down flag, or a rose....fine. BUt Juliet's full torso faux bra thing....yuck. That is going to look horrible after the first baby. And a tatoo like that screams "I live in a trailer, and have sent in a request to be on the Jerry Springer show." Chances of her having 5+ kids or alternately strung out on crack? Greater than 50/50.
I think that's the hardest I've ever attacked any of the girls who submitted a picture. And for good reason. I thought the tattoo for Erin of NE from week 1 was the worst I had seen (and how she ended up being one of the week 1 winners, I can't say) up until I had seen Juliet's. Run away Romeo. Run fast, run far, Run Silent, Run Deep. Run Lola Run. A Run run run run runaway. Ok, I'm stuck. And link happy. New paragraph.
(singing to self "I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder.....")
Today's list includes Anika of CA, San San of CA, and Kiberly of CA in Row 1.
Row 2: Jayde of CA and Ria of CA. I'm seeing a trend here.
Row 3: Natalie of SC, and Jennifer of CA.
Row 4: Dorothy of CA Kyzandrha of FL.
Row 5: Shana of NC.
Row 6: Heather of PA, Colleen of NV and Vanessa of GA.
Row 7: Kelly of OH, Julie of MI, and Lorelen of CA.
Row 8: Michelle of MI and "Mambo!" of CA.
Row 9: Madison of NV, Amy of MO, Jessica of WA, and Jezabel of CA. (Hmmm, yes...)
Row 10: Brittany of GA and Nikki of SC.
So since we already know that Colleen of NV needs to be cut, let's get the unpleasantness out of the way now.
23 girls for 10 spots. Oh, but we mentioned that Brittany of GA was a lock too. That means 22 girls for 9 spots.
It should probably be noted at this point that all of the women left (including Colleen of NV, even though we just cut her) are all beautiful girls. I am reduced to finding the most miniscule of reasons for cutting girls, since details count at this level. I feel like a little girl (shut up) forced to choose 1 kitten from a whole litter of baby cats. It's hard to pick just one pussy. Or is it that you can't eat just one? No, wait. That's potato chips. Or is it? I forget. (The call me the wanderer, yeah the wanderer...I roam around from topic to topic....)
You know what? I take that back. Jayde of CA fooled me with her big breasts. I'm cutting her loose. Jennifer of CA is pretty, but never smiles once in her pictures. It's no fun if the girl isn't having any fun. (And that applies to LOTS of different topics. ) Kyzandrha of FL is cut since she didn't smile, and because her name is so hard to spell. Like I said...looking at tiny tiny issues. Shana of NC is also cut, though I can't give a real reason why. I like the cat suit in picture #3, but at the same time, I don't like the stripe of holes on the sides...stupid reason, but it's my reasoning.
19 girls. 9 spots. Julie of MI is out. I hate myself.
18 girls. "Mambo!" is hot, but her name is "Mambo!" That is a no no. And while hot, there are hotter.
17....Amy of MO is cut, because the 3rd picture isn't great, but the others rocked. Like a chair in a nursery. Sorry Amy. I suck.
16 girls....Jessica of WA is an "entertainer", according to her bio. And in her 3rd picture, she's got chaps on, while sitting at a bar on a saddle. SHe MIGHT be sitting on the saddle HORN, but I can't tell very well. These factors increase the likelyhood of me contracting a venereal disease. Not that it would happen, but the risk level rises.....sorry Jessica. If it makes you feel better, I'll cut you because you have the same name as a former girlfriend.
15! Hey, it's almost a manageable number! San San of CA says goodbye, bringing it down to 14. Why? Well....the entire "San San" thing for one, and while I enjoyed the tan lines (Careful with that one) in pic 2, I hated the outfit in pic 1. Yes, I'm shallow. Like an abandoned kiddie pool in the middle of Arizona in August.
So we're at 13...right? 4 to cut? Dang.
Ok, Madison of NV is cut, because she's got quite a bit of makeup on, which takes away from her, but she's got an exotic blend to her (wtf? It's not like she's coffee or something?!), and it kills me to let her go. Nikki of Sc didn't do anything wrong, other than put a bit too much make-up around the eyes, but other than that she was HHHHHHHOT. She didn't even have any belly button bling bling.
11, with 2 to go.....Kimberly of CA, we'd love to give you a parting gift, but we're married and that would imply adultery, so....sorry. I'll beat myself (shut up) for it later.
Dorothy reminds me of Cheryl Crow in a good way, and I would hate to cut her becaue I am strong enough to be her man.....Vanessa of GA is very hot and appears to be into football and a blonde which I normally don't choose very often....normally a name like Jezebel would cause me to hit the purge button, but.....there's something cool about having a Jezebel for a girlfriend. That's probably the southern hick in me coming out.
"Southern hick? But you're from North Dakota? The hick part I can see, but SOUTHERN hick?"
Shut up.
Her bio says that some people compare her to Jasmine from Aladdin. Well, that just destroyed Aladdin. Now I want to get it on with a cartoon character. Well, her and Jessica Rabbit.....uh......let's move along.
DAMMIT!
Ok, Ria gets a spot, Natalie of SC gets a spot, Vanessa of GA gets a spot, Lorelen of CA gets a spot, and could put your eyes out if you aren't careful. Wow. So 5 spots taken. Michelle of MI, take your spot.
Ok, Kelly of OH is cut, for the no smile offense....and my knuckles hurt from being slapped with a big ruler.
Would you believe 12"? Would you believe 8"?
SHUT UP. We'll see you next week. Here's something to go out on....
er, with....
whatever.
Oh well I'm the type of guy who will never settle down
Where pretty girls are well, you know that I'm around
I kiss 'em and I love'em 'cause to me they're all the same
I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em they don't even know my name
They call me the wanderer yeah the wanderer
I roam around around around...
Oh well there's Flo on my left and there's Mary on my right
And Janie is the girl with that I'll be with tonight
And when she asks me which one I love the best
I tear open my shirt I got Rosie on my chest
'Cause I'm the wanderer yeah the wanderer
I roam around around around...
Oh well I roam from town to town
I go through life without a care
'Til I'm as happy as a clown
With my two fists of iron and I'm going nowhere
This Day in History:
IN 1915, German U-boats sunk the english ship Lusitania, killing 1201passengers, and leaving 764 people as survivors.
In 1994, "The Scream" by Edvard Munch was recoverd, after having been stolen from an Oslo, Norway museum. It makes you so mad you could just.....
Ok, enough fun.
Actually, no, it's not, since this is all supposed to be fun!!
Birthday's today include Traci Lords...funny enough. We mention her the other day, and all of a sudden it's her birthday. Post a picture? Well, if I thought I could find one that wasn't complete nudity, no problem. We'll leave teh picture of her out fo now, but we WILL take a poll.(Shut up.)
Traci Lords as a blonde or brunette?
Word of the Day:
gambol , intransitive verb:
To dance and skip about in play; to frolic.
Potty Training
The youngest of my 3 daughters has begun potty training, which is KIND OF a good thing. She's also the earliest of any of them to go through it, since the others took their time about it. And before any of you get the wrong idea, it's not US pushing her....she WANTS to do this.
It's amazing how much the presence of siblings encourages the younger ones to grow up. My guess is that Bailey is doing it because her 2 older sisters are doing it. Because of the example that they set, she follows suit. So now she comes to us with worried eyes, firmly declaring "Daddy, poohp!" So you drop whatever you're doing to prop her onto the toilet, sit and read books for 15 minutes while you wait for the moment (amongst other things) to pass. Boring work, but it allows for some time to re-enforce our family hatred of the Green Bay Packers, so all is not lost.
As a dad, it's an undescribable feeling to see how Bailey reveres her older sisters, particularly Anna. Anna is closer in age, so they have a little more in common. Anna, meanwhile, looks up to Restory, even though she intentionally picks fights with her from time to time. I'm afraid of them growing apart when they get older, and I'm no longer around. But some things you have to have faith about.
Anyway, Bailey has a well-documented allergy to dairy products. But as she has grown, it isn't anywhere near severe as it was before. This is dangerous territory, because her initial reaction to all things dairy was for her lips to blow up like some desperate Hollywood star looking for a collagen treatment. There was real concern that it was life-threatening. So she's done without milk and cheese and ice cream,and all of that for most of her life. And milk and dairy is a fantastic source of fat for kids to help them put on the weight they need, not to mention calcium for bone structure and so forth.
But if she IS starting to balance out a bit to where she can have some dairy... that could open up a new world for her. The only problem is that her reactions ahve changed to dairy. She doesn't break out as much as she used to. INstead, she gets some really tough constipation, which is pretty danged rough on an 18 month old kid just being introduced to the potty. Listening to your child whine and cry over the pain, shouting "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" over and over again becomes really unsettling. But it's not like clearing a clog in the garbage disposal, where you can just hit a switch, a nd everything is better again. Nor can you reach in and pull out the offending material. You have to trust that nature and gravity will work for them as it does for you.
And for all of you who DON'T have kids....the above is reason # 3,486 that you don't want to.
Spiderman on the basepaths
Since baseball has killed their plans on using 1st, 2nd, and 3rd as advertising space for Spiderman 2...there doesn't need to be anything said on this subject. But I'm going to anyway.
Yes, baseball has sold it's soul. THat was readily apparent years and years ago, however, so it's no big surprise. Asinine, but not surprising. There isn't a commisioner of baseball who is above the owners protecting the game from themselves, so it quite literally is the inmates running the asylum. (Mmmm, Juicyfruit.
)
The marketing idea was idiotic on a grand porportion, and it wasn' until after they told the public they realized how stupid it was.
Well, I take that back. George Steinbrenner told them that he wasn't doing it for actual games at Yankee Stadium. Maybe for batting practice, but that was it.
-----SIDEBAR: Who the hell cares about the bases during batting practice?! Which is probably why George said waht he said, but still. Ok. Back to our show.
Now, there have been some people who are applauding George for having the moral conviction from allowing this to happen, as though he were the lone voice of reason amongst the owners; quite an alarming role reversal from the norm. But before you go patting Steinbrenner on the back too much, let's make one thing clear: George wasn't doing it for the greater good fo baseball, he was doing it for the greater good of the Yankees, and ultimately George Steinbrenner. It just so happened that the best thing for the Yankees also happened to be the best thing for the rest of baseball. That particular synergy rarely happens.
See, George knows that a major part of the Yankees success -whether it be on the field or financially-- has to do with their tradition, and mystique and aura. They play in "THe House that Ruth Built", for cripes sake. There's Monument Hill out there in the outfield. Even George can see that all of that would be tarnished by slapping a sticker on the bases in order to promote a summer flick that may or may not suck.
The Colorado Rockies and other teams don't have that sort of image to tarnish, so it makes no difference to them. For them or the Marlins or Angels, it's just un-used space that may as well get used for SOMETHING, so why not make a buck or two while they are at it.
But for the Yankees, it'd be like building a 7-11 on an Indian Burial Ground, or pee-ing on the Alamo. Some things JUST AREN'T DONE.
SO go ahead and give Steinbrenner credit for doing the right thing, but don't think that it's for any sort of altruistic traditionalist baseball patriotism. It's just his constant love for the money.
Hometown Hotties Week 9:
Have we got your attention? this is where I pay you back for reading through poop stories.
There's only one week left after this week, and more than likely we've already seen the winner, just based on odds. Then again, Maxim might be holding back for a huge splurge for week 10. Which just goes to show that I know nothing what I am talking about, and I'm too tired to write a decent intro to this piece.
Showing my amazing resolve, I was able to keep my original pare-down list to 24 girls out of the original 25. Not bad. As always, there were girls that had made the list without a doubt (Brittany of GA), girls who made the list but I knew I was going to end up cutting at some point (Colleen of NV), girls who just barely missed the cut (Kathleen of CA), girls that never stood a chance(Michelle of NY ), and women who just don't get it (Juliet of TX). IN fact, Juliet is example #1 of a tattoo that's too much. A little dolphin, or a turtle holding onto a diver down flag, or a rose....fine. BUt Juliet's full torso faux bra thing....yuck. That is going to look horrible after the first baby. And a tatoo like that screams "I live in a trailer, and have sent in a request to be on the Jerry Springer show." Chances of her having 5+ kids or alternately strung out on crack? Greater than 50/50.
I think that's the hardest I've ever attacked any of the girls who submitted a picture. And for good reason. I thought the tattoo for Erin of NE from week 1 was the worst I had seen (and how she ended up being one of the week 1 winners, I can't say) up until I had seen Juliet's. Run away Romeo. Run fast, run far, Run Silent, Run Deep. Run Lola Run. A Run run run run runaway. Ok, I'm stuck. And link happy. New paragraph.
(singing to self "I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder.....")
Today's list includes Anika of CA, San San of CA, and Kiberly of CA in Row 1.
Row 2: Jayde of CA and Ria of CA. I'm seeing a trend here.
Row 3: Natalie of SC, and Jennifer of CA.
Row 4: Dorothy of CA Kyzandrha of FL.
Row 5: Shana of NC.
Row 6: Heather of PA, Colleen of NV and Vanessa of GA.
Row 7: Kelly of OH, Julie of MI, and Lorelen of CA.
Row 8: Michelle of MI and "Mambo!" of CA.
Row 9: Madison of NV, Amy of MO, Jessica of WA, and Jezabel of CA. (Hmmm, yes...)
Row 10: Brittany of GA and Nikki of SC.
So since we already know that Colleen of NV needs to be cut, let's get the unpleasantness out of the way now.
23 girls for 10 spots. Oh, but we mentioned that Brittany of GA was a lock too. That means 22 girls for 9 spots.
It should probably be noted at this point that all of the women left (including Colleen of NV, even though we just cut her) are all beautiful girls. I am reduced to finding the most miniscule of reasons for cutting girls, since details count at this level. I feel like a little girl (shut up) forced to choose 1 kitten from a whole litter of baby cats. It's hard to pick just one pussy. Or is it that you can't eat just one? No, wait. That's potato chips. Or is it? I forget. (The call me the wanderer, yeah the wanderer...I roam around from topic to topic....)
You know what? I take that back. Jayde of CA fooled me with her big breasts. I'm cutting her loose. Jennifer of CA is pretty, but never smiles once in her pictures. It's no fun if the girl isn't having any fun. (And that applies to LOTS of different topics. ) Kyzandrha of FL is cut since she didn't smile, and because her name is so hard to spell. Like I said...looking at tiny tiny issues. Shana of NC is also cut, though I can't give a real reason why. I like the cat suit in picture #3, but at the same time, I don't like the stripe of holes on the sides...stupid reason, but it's my reasoning.
19 girls. 9 spots. Julie of MI is out. I hate myself.
18 girls. "Mambo!" is hot, but her name is "Mambo!" That is a no no. And while hot, there are hotter.
17....Amy of MO is cut, because the 3rd picture isn't great, but the others rocked. Like a chair in a nursery. Sorry Amy. I suck.
16 girls....Jessica of WA is an "entertainer", according to her bio. And in her 3rd picture, she's got chaps on, while sitting at a bar on a saddle. SHe MIGHT be sitting on the saddle HORN, but I can't tell very well. These factors increase the likelyhood of me contracting a venereal disease. Not that it would happen, but the risk level rises.....sorry Jessica. If it makes you feel better, I'll cut you because you have the same name as a former girlfriend.
15! Hey, it's almost a manageable number! San San of CA says goodbye, bringing it down to 14. Why? Well....the entire "San San" thing for one, and while I enjoyed the tan lines (Careful with that one) in pic 2, I hated the outfit in pic 1. Yes, I'm shallow. Like an abandoned kiddie pool in the middle of Arizona in August.
So we're at 13...right? 4 to cut? Dang.
Ok, Madison of NV is cut, because she's got quite a bit of makeup on, which takes away from her, but she's got an exotic blend to her (wtf? It's not like she's coffee or something?!), and it kills me to let her go. Nikki of Sc didn't do anything wrong, other than put a bit too much make-up around the eyes, but other than that she was HHHHHHHOT. She didn't even have any belly button bling bling.
11, with 2 to go.....Kimberly of CA, we'd love to give you a parting gift, but we're married and that would imply adultery, so....sorry. I'll beat myself (shut up) for it later.
Dorothy reminds me of Cheryl Crow in a good way, and I would hate to cut her becaue I am strong enough to be her man.....Vanessa of GA is very hot and appears to be into football and a blonde which I normally don't choose very often....normally a name like Jezebel would cause me to hit the purge button, but.....there's something cool about having a Jezebel for a girlfriend. That's probably the southern hick in me coming out.
"Southern hick? But you're from North Dakota? The hick part I can see, but SOUTHERN hick?"
Shut up.
Her bio says that some people compare her to Jasmine from Aladdin. Well, that just destroyed Aladdin. Now I want to get it on with a cartoon character. Well, her and Jessica Rabbit.....uh......let's move along.
DAMMIT!
Ok, Ria gets a spot, Natalie of SC gets a spot, Vanessa of GA gets a spot, Lorelen of CA gets a spot, and could put your eyes out if you aren't careful. Wow. So 5 spots taken. Michelle of MI, take your spot.
Ok, Kelly of OH is cut, for the no smile offense....and my knuckles hurt from being slapped with a big ruler.
Would you believe 12"? Would you believe 8"?
SHUT UP. We'll see you next week. Here's something to go out on....
er, with....
whatever.
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